Why Do People Stay in an Abusive Relationship?
So why doesn’t the abused partner just leave? It is not as easy as it may seem. There are many reasons why the partner stays:
- Fear ("What will happen to me if I leave?")
- Denial ("Oh, it’s not that bad. It was just a little shove")
- Love ("I still love him")
- Lack of resources/knowledge (doesn’t know where to turn for help or support)
- Children ("I don’t want to take my children away from their father")
- Language/cultural barriers
- No financial independence
- No place to go
- No support network
- Gratitude ("He cares for me enough not to kill me")
- Hope ("Maybe he’ll change")
- Illegal immigrant/afraid to lose "green card"
- Unaware that domestic violence is a criminal offense
Typically, the abused partner will attempt to leave the batterer about 7 times before he or she finally leaves for good. The most dangerous time for an abused partner is when he or she leaves the batterer, which is why a safety plan is a critical step in leaving. Call SAVE’s 24-hour hotline at (510) 794-6055 for help.