About DV - Red Flags: 15 Signs of an Abuser

1.  Extreme Jealousy 

Calls constantly, visits unexpectedly, is always checking up on you; says things like "if I ever catch you looking at someone else" and/or frequently accuses you of having affairs, sleeping with friends, spending too much time with your friends or family; interrogates you.

2. Possessive 

Act like they "own" you; believes that you should consult with and get permission from them before going anywhere,  doing anything, buying anything; won’t let you out of their sight.

3. Isolation

Tries to cut your ties with your friends, family and extracurricular activities; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble;" refuses to let you have other friends; controls who, when and where you hang out with people.

4. Blames Others

For their problems, feelings, or behaviors; always someone else’s fault if something goes wrong; rarely takes  responsibility for making a mistake; says things like "if you weren’t  so stupid…" or "you provoked me, pressed my  buttons, made me do it, led me on."

5. Uses Verbal Put-Downs

Verbally criticizes and belittles you, calls you inappropriate names, swears at you; puts-down what you wear, do and say, "you’d look good if…," tries to embarrass you and make you feel stupid, so that your self-esteem and confidence will diminish.

6. Unpredictable Behavior

Has extreme mood swings; switches from sweet to violent in a short period of time; has a quick temper.

7. Hypersensitivity

Hypersensitive to criticism or perceived criticism; is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings.

8. Close-Minded

Believes in stereotypical gender roles; shows little respect for the opposite sex; believes that their way is the only way, that you should be obedient, not disagree, not question, and never act independently.

9. Unrealistic Expectations

Of you or the relationship; expects you to meet their every need; gets too serious too fast.

10. Violent Tendencies

Threats of violence towards you, others or pets; has a history of fighting or unhealthy relationships; grew up in a violent home; breaks or strikes objects; owns or uses weapons or displays them to back up threats.

11. Denial

Has difficulty identifying feelings & communicating them; refuses or is unable to discuss, negotiate and compromise; refuses to accept breaking up.

12. Plays On Your Guilt

Says manipulative things like  "if you really loved me, you would have sex with me" or "I can’t live without you" or "if you leave I’ll kill myself," trying to make you feel guilty about your choices, so that they can maintain control over what you choose to do.

13. Uses Intimidation

Pressures you to use/abuse alcohol or drugs; pressures you for sex; scares you or is forceful with you.

14. Blames Circumstances

Always has an excuse for their behavior; believe they can’t control their anger; asks for a second chance and promises to change, says things like "I’m sorry, if only I hadn’t been drinking, I wouldn’t have hit you."

15. ALWAYS HAS TO BE IN CONTROL

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